Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Anyone from P.E.T.S. don't read this!

P.E.T.S. People for the Ethical Treatment of Snails...I am not a part of your organization.  I hate snails.  Well, okay I don't 100% hate them, only because of one simple Oldest LOVES snails.  She kisses them on their slimy underbodies. She places them gently on the picnic table so they will be safe.  She pets their shells and brings them the most succulent selection of grasses for them to nibble.  She thinks we should be a snail habitat. 

What's that you say?  There's a snail in danger?  I must soothe it and love it and give it sweet kisses and call it my own sweet dear.
Mama on the other hand...well, let's just say that on an almost daily basis...Good Lord, I am turning into my Dad....I go on a snail hunt.  I know where they like to lay low.  Under my dianthus plants.  So, I scour them.  I handpick through each stem and look under each leaf and along the flower bed where there might be some rotting leaf that they've attached themselves to.

I look through the leaves and stems of my Salvia Nemorosa...are you there little snails?
Maybe you're hiding in my peonies?  Let me just browse through my lettuces and along my dahlias (which by the way is their newest favorite SNACK!!)  And which also is one of the main reasons for my devotion to becoming THE SNAIL HUNTRESS...I think I might need to make me a warrior outfit creation that I wear while on the hunt.  My vision is all buckskin with the occasional bead, crystal and fringe thrown in... knee-high boots, a nice little loin cloth/mini skirt-type business and a buckskin bikini with fringe...I also see a tattoo across my chest...            Snail Death
I mean…I am not a hateful person, but, really, do you have to eat my flowers?  Last year it was my basils and this year it's my dahlias.  All I ask is for the snails to mind their own slimy business and leave my plants alone.  If they did this...then I would surely leave them alone!  Because, it's like I said my Oldest is a fan, so I'm sure she'd be quite saddened if she didn't have the chance every once in a while to love a snail to....death...

I am not going to mention my method of destruction.  I do not want PETS to be on my back....let's just say I get my method from my Grandma...we're talking old school methods.  No sweet and gentle, let them live out their days at a snail farm where they can procreate and munch tasty nibbles the live long day.  NO!  Straight up, ugly death.'s your day going?

Now that we've got snail death talk out of the way, let's talk about WTF...

I was pressured into it.  I can't even blame my Oldest for these purchases.  I can however blame Mr. Because I Can and My Sister!!  Where are the Munchkins?  Where's the Wizard?  Where's Glinda the Good Witch?  Where's the Emerald City?

Fine!  I am not a strong woman.  I give into peer pressure.  Plus, the black and white panels...Freaking cute actually.  So, I went out and bought more fabric for the back of my Oldest's Wizard of Oz Quilt.  Not my fault.  Oh yeah, and no Munchkins.  I could not find any fabric that had a Munchkin on it.  Oh well, I did try.  We will have the Horse of a Different Color though.  So that should be good.

Everyone have peace and love fill your day thanks to this uplifting post about having love for your fellow creature and more munched plants.


  1. The witch on the bike is the best panel ever! The next quilt you make for my family better have a little spot dedicated to that action.

    Grandma Evelyn and her snail Death ideas. My first year in the house the snails ate at least 3 zucchini plants. Now they don't even touch them. I guess they decided I meant business that year.

  2. I'll totally make you a quilt using the classy cowboy that I cut from the other panel and the witch.

    Grandma Evelyn does have classy ideas doesn't she? I think maybe I'll just send my snails over to your house since you seem to be sad that you're missing out.


Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Love ya! XOXOXO

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...