Monday, August 18, 2014

What happens when you get bronchitis...

It's the worst, whenever it rains it pours.  I normally see this as just a fluke in the cosmos and let it slide off my back and get on with life.  But sometimes, it's not so easy.  One bad thing happens, so now you're in a mood.  Add to that another bad thing and that brings you down a bit more.  If you keep adding things, you could definitely get a complex that somebody is out to get ya!

I am normally a look on the bright side of life kind of person. After all, I love Monty Python and The Holy Grail.  "I've 'ad worse."  "What are you gonna do, bleed on me?"  "She turned me into a newt...I got better." And just one more, "You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you."  But then I got bronchitis.  And then it morphed into bronchitis with a side of sinusitis for good measure.  And then this happened...

That's right.  And it's my own dang fault too.  I was the culprit who spit the gum into her bathroom garbage. I should have known better as I am also the owner of the devious creature known as, Ginger, who likes to sneak into my bathroom and devour all the tasty goodness she can find there.  Then to add insult to injury, it wasn't just sitting there on top of the carpet, no, somebody had stepped on it to really stick it in there good and proper.  sigh

As you can imagine, by now my life was feeling like a blasted tempest had parked right over me, but I did what any gal would do: I pulled up my big girl panties, and sought my computer for its best advice.

I was a little bit afraid I would find information recommending what my Mom did to me at about age 8 when I slept with a wad of gum in my mouth and it ended up in my hair.  cough cough.  It would have been just perfect and would have added considerably to my bad mood if I had had to put a chunk of peanut butter on my carpet and needed to rub it in real good to break up the gum.  Luckily the fates were on my side.  Freeze it out, all the sources said.

Of course, you can buy a can of freeze-y stuff like the janitors use in schools, but I have freakin' bronchitis/sinusitis.  You really want me out driving while little children are playing in their yards?  I would surely have a vicious coughing spell that would only add to the foggy brain thing I've got simultaneously going on.  Bad combination if I'm driving somewhere.  Ice cubes to the rescue.

I made sure to cover the gum completely with ice and added bit extra on the sides to get the carpet good and cold as well.  Let it sit for a just a minute, I didn't want the ice to melt at all as I feared the gum would get soggy and stickier.  Removed the ice cubes and VOILA!  The gum was nicely cold and stiff.  I just pulled it straight off.

Maybe I should say that my gum was of the cinnamon/sugarless variety.  Just in case this method is variety specific.  I dunno.  All I know is I felt much better about life in general after this little win.  Then I went back to hacking my lungs out and misery engulfed me all over again.  I have a very short attention span and mucus makes it even worse.  Although, I will confess to one little thing making me smile just a bit and helping me through my grossness:  The fact that I had chewed my gum into a very particular-looking shape.

For the ladylike out there, I apologize.  I love Pride and Prejudice, but I also like The Pink Panther starring Steve Martin and Beyonce.

Okay, Okay, one more.  I just gotta...

King Arthur: Old woman
Dennis: Man.
King Arthur: Man, sorry.  What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I'm 37.
King Arthur: What?
Dennis: I'm 37.  I'm not old.
King Arthur: Well, I can't just call you man.
Dennis: Well you could say "Dennis".
King Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Dennis: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
King Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...

Oh snap.  Laughing makes me cough more.

Hope everyone has a nice day.



  1. OMGOODNESS ..Where have you been ....THANK YOU TIMES 1 MILLION

  2. I love you, ya nut. Glad you got the gum out the carpet and I hope you're doing heaps better xxxx

  3. I am so sorry that you are feeling so under the weather, and I'm hoping you start feeling better real soon. Oh, and you are truly, uniquely hilarious, you funny girl!! Great tip on the gum removal!!

  4. Heather you crack me up! Love Monty Python and love you! I'm glad you're on the upside of your illness and able to note the shape of said chewed gum! LOL!

  5. LOL I see you haven't lost your sense of humor! I kinda thought the gum looked suspicious too, but I was trying to be a lady! Get better soon my friend so you can enjoy the last bit of summer! PS...thanks for the gum tip.

  6. I'm sorry you're sick. :( Hurrah for the small victory over the gum!

  7. So sorry to read you're sick... When you're having a bad day, any little problem seems awful. Maybe it's time to listen to the French love song "Je suis malade"!

  8. Okay, I saw that gum and I thought you'd barfed up a lung. Or at least a partial lung. And then if you croaked, Jamie would be all mine. I hope you're feeling a million times better my friend. :)


  9. Oh Heather! I am so sorry you were so sick. I hope you are feeling better. Maybe it's just me, but you seem to have quite a talent for chewing your gum into phallic shapes :). I'll have to remember your gum removing tips and hope I never have a need to use it! Feel better.


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